You can't choose your family but you can choose your friends
My Nona really gets on my nerves! (yes, I'm of Italiian descent)
She and I have always come to blows because she has her opinions and I have mine - most of the time they are varstly different. Contrary to what my profile has my astrological sign as, I'm a Leo and we lionesses don't like to be told that what we believe in is wrong, especially when it makes up who we are as a person.
Nona is a Taurus, so again she will not be told that she is wrong.
Taking astrology out of it, I have a broard mind, although it is very gulable at times. I pride myself on the fact that I can take things in my stride and accept someone's view although it may different than my own. Nona, on the other hand will not. There have been many arguments between us based purely on that she wants me to think how she does. It was the same with my dad when he was young and seeing my mum (Nona's daughter). Dad (another Leo) always argued with her (he was the one who taught me to be open minded!) but slowly he and her have become friends and share a mutual respect for each other.
I know people say that we "mellow with age" but I can assure you that my dad has not mellowed. Is it that Nona felt she was fighting a losing battle with him so she gave in? If so, does that mean she feels differently with me and will continue to fight?
The problem with us, i think, is that Nona demands respect purely because she is my grandmother. Is this right? I have always been taught that respect is earned... And please don't think that I don't respect my elders because I do. Unlike many kids when I was growing up, I was always the one that got on with my friends parent's better than they did..... And I love and respect my grandfather. I would do what ever he wanted me to do in an instant. (They are divorced)
Nona sees me as the grandchild, although i'm 26 and as much as I will grow older, she will always see her self that 46 years older and supposedly wiser.
And my poor mum... she is always in the firing line with Nona. It's coming to the point that I can't even talk to Nona with out her ringing mum and going off about something. Nona's criticism is often that I don't call her for things (eg to wish a happy new year) but when I do we end in an argument so what's better - speaking and arguing or not speaking at all? Again this comes down to what she feels is owed to her by her being my grandmother. She won't pick up the phone and say hello. She expects that as the grand daughter I should do it.
When I spoke to my mum about it, she said that Nona felt as though I didn't respect her. I do respect her but I'm not going to let her push me around and make me feel bad about things that she doesn't like in me. When she lets go of the theory that I'm her eldest grandchild who doesn't know anything, maybe things will be different but at the moment its like we're in a stale mate.
And the thing that makes me really mad, is that Nona does not like that I joined the church (LDS). I mean she is Itallian so who would blame her from not liking the fact that I no longer practice Catholicism. If she could only see that the church has been the best thing for me and it has really made me think a whole lot about everything...
She and I have always come to blows because she has her opinions and I have mine - most of the time they are varstly different. Contrary to what my profile has my astrological sign as, I'm a Leo and we lionesses don't like to be told that what we believe in is wrong, especially when it makes up who we are as a person.
Nona is a Taurus, so again she will not be told that she is wrong.
Taking astrology out of it, I have a broard mind, although it is very gulable at times. I pride myself on the fact that I can take things in my stride and accept someone's view although it may different than my own. Nona, on the other hand will not. There have been many arguments between us based purely on that she wants me to think how she does. It was the same with my dad when he was young and seeing my mum (Nona's daughter). Dad (another Leo) always argued with her (he was the one who taught me to be open minded!) but slowly he and her have become friends and share a mutual respect for each other.
I know people say that we "mellow with age" but I can assure you that my dad has not mellowed. Is it that Nona felt she was fighting a losing battle with him so she gave in? If so, does that mean she feels differently with me and will continue to fight?
The problem with us, i think, is that Nona demands respect purely because she is my grandmother. Is this right? I have always been taught that respect is earned... And please don't think that I don't respect my elders because I do. Unlike many kids when I was growing up, I was always the one that got on with my friends parent's better than they did..... And I love and respect my grandfather. I would do what ever he wanted me to do in an instant. (They are divorced)
Nona sees me as the grandchild, although i'm 26 and as much as I will grow older, she will always see her self that 46 years older and supposedly wiser.
And my poor mum... she is always in the firing line with Nona. It's coming to the point that I can't even talk to Nona with out her ringing mum and going off about something. Nona's criticism is often that I don't call her for things (eg to wish a happy new year) but when I do we end in an argument so what's better - speaking and arguing or not speaking at all? Again this comes down to what she feels is owed to her by her being my grandmother. She won't pick up the phone and say hello. She expects that as the grand daughter I should do it.
When I spoke to my mum about it, she said that Nona felt as though I didn't respect her. I do respect her but I'm not going to let her push me around and make me feel bad about things that she doesn't like in me. When she lets go of the theory that I'm her eldest grandchild who doesn't know anything, maybe things will be different but at the moment its like we're in a stale mate.
And the thing that makes me really mad, is that Nona does not like that I joined the church (LDS). I mean she is Itallian so who would blame her from not liking the fact that I no longer practice Catholicism. If she could only see that the church has been the best thing for me and it has really made me think a whole lot about everything...
posted by missiongal @ 4:42 PM
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