missiongal

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Really stressed

My mind is running 100 miles per hour right now...

I have been so busy at work lately I haven't had time to scratch myself. I tried to write a blog yesterday at lunch time but I didn't get much further than the first couple of lines - No lunch break for me ... rush, rush, rush.

I enjoy being busy at work but there are so many things that needed to be done 3 months ago that are still not getting done because of the amount of work that keeps getting put on my desk each day. When will it end? I hate having loose ends!!

Then of course there's the baby thing and missing my friends and ofcourse my beautiful husband who has been sick with the flu lately.

He and I are really good since I have been focusing on only him and I. I think that I wanted to be there for so many other people (not just male) that I stretched myself too thin and we suffered... Things are looking up though.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Just thinking

I was just thinking about how I miss my friend Michael. He's all the way over in the States and I don't get to talk to him very often...

I was just thinking about how grateful I am to have an old friend Michelle back in my life. I missed her when she was gone - one of those hard trust issues...

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Excitement

Hi Guys,

I'm so excited. I spoke to the Doctor today about pregnancy... He looked really chuffed, he rubbed his hands together and said "Well this is all exciting, isn't it?"

He has been more excited about the posibility of me falling pregnant than anyone else has and he's the Doctor...

I think it will be very soon tat I will be pregnant.

Baby names anyone?

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Things are settling down

Things at home are settling down now - I think I'm just over things. I mean I think I have just put every man out of my head except my husband and am trying to focus on him and us.

I am really unsure about having a baby.

It seems that every one is either pregnant or just become a parent. I just got word that a close girl friend of mine is pregnant, my maid of honour is due soon and two cyber-friends of mine (that were in Oz on missions) have just become fathers.

I am desperate to have a family but when I discuss it with anyone they advise me to wait 12 months so we can have some money behind us (wedding cleared out our savings). I can understand this and I know how important it is to be financially secure but really, is anyone ever financially secure these days?

Steve just goes along with whatever I feel comfortable doing - like he says "you have to carry it for nine months.."

I know that falling pregnant should not be some rash decision that I make on the spare of the moment but I am so wanting a child right now...

Saturday, May 07, 2005

More men in my life than I can handle..

Hi there,

Over the past three weeks, I have more men in my life than i can handle. Ofcourse, I love the attention but man, what is it with men and a married women.

So is this really the issue? Is it that I'm married or is it that I'm responding to their attention or is it none of those things??? Ahhhh *screams with hands on head*

Just after I moved into our new family home, an old friend, we'll call him Brad, rang to say hi.
BACKGROUND: To be brutally honest he and I had a thing for about a week before Steve and I were together. He is the type of guy that likes to run free and sows his wild oats where ever he chooses. We spoke before I was married and he told me that he was engaged! Strange with respect to the last comment but I suppose a man has settle down sooner or later.?? Anyway his fiance was 18 and Brad was 24 and they were living in QLD. They fell pregnant and the girl (not sure of her name - there have been so many with him) went all wierd and they broke off the engagement and Brad moved back to Sydney.

So Brad rings me and asks to see me. So I meet him at a Cafe in Campbelltown and we talk for hours, as old mates do. Nothing happens with us, so don't worry. I take my covenant very seriously and he knows my husband and has respect for him.

Since that conversation, I have heard from him every day. I am very worried about him because he is so messed up by this chic and he really believes he loved her, but then he can revert back to his old ways and want to sleep with some of his sister's friends...

The best man from my wedding, we'll call him Shane, ended up breaking up with my best friend (see last blog) and going back to his girlfriend and their three children (totally understandable and too detailed to blog about) Anyway, he has been ringing me the last few days and wants me to go and visit him and his family. I had met the children when he was with my best friend, they are so adorable. The youngest (2.5 years) has got a developmental disability and he has just touched my heart in the most powerful way.

Anyway, my best friend, Allison, has problems with the fact that I need to see Shane and his children - I mean he was the best man in my wedding and I truely think that he and I had a better relationship than he and Allison did. I'm still a bit concerned about the fact that he told me he loved me and tried to kiss me (see last blog) but I feel that I need to be there to help out with his family because disabilities are my specialty and they are crying out for help. So I am now torn between my need to help his family and Allison's pain with the whole situation. She is understanding of my need to speak with Shane, though.

Then there is the guy from the last blog who hit me up for some "fun on the side". We'll call him Charles. He has been messaging me the wierdest things and I don't know how to handle them. I have a connection with this guy and I don't want a stupid conversation and a few crude messages to ruin what we have. Do I see him, do I not? He is supposed to be visiting me on Thursday when he comes up for a golf tournament.

Finally there is another old aquaintance from the past that has re-visited. We'll call him Pat. He was pretty messed up when I first knew him about 5 years ago but has pulled himself out of it and is a very respectable person now. He is a mate but could not believe that in the time we hadn't seen eachother that I could meet a man, fall in love and be married. He is trying to become part of my life again and it's all just a bit overwhelming. He wants to talk about the past all the time and I'm not sure if I want that. Steve knew me then but we weren't together - we bearly even spoke. Pat is also interested in my friend Allison and is using me to get to her...

I am so overwhelmed by all of these men and I'm not sure if it is me that is leading them on or whether I'm reading a whole lot of something into nothing.